Pulling out the Haindl
I have always loved Tarot cards. The artwork on different decks can be quite stunning, and while I do not necessarily believe in the “powers” or mythology behind them, I do think that thinking on cards drawn from the deck allows us to reflect on how we are really feeling about a matter. How we are really interacting with our lives.
So tonight, for the first time in a long time, I pulled out the Haindl. I’m a bit out of practice, but I tried a quick, three-card reading. The first card signifies the basis of the question–it’s foundation, or past. The second card represents the present moment, and the third card one possible future and its implications.
Here’s what I came up with:
- Foundation: Father of Stones in the West (King of Stones), Old Man
- Present: Father of Cups in tne North (King of Cups), Odin, Reversed
- Future: Conflict (Five of Wands)
The father of stones card signifies to me in this moment the past of responsibility–of always helping, and trying to do what’s right. It signifies my inability to ask for what I really want, and to say what I really feel. While I tend to be pretty articulate on paper and digitally, in the moment and with someone I care about I find myself resorting to actions rather than words. This is the foundation.
The present card, King of Cups, came up reversed, which indicates a limitation of power and authority-the inability to dominate a situation. I may react with anger, but in going through, I may also gain understanding.
The possible future card, the five of wands, didn’t thrill me when it turned up, because it was labeled Conflict. And I honestly don’t need more of that in my life. However, the book tells me this can also mean creative conflict, release of energy, and breakdown of rigid systems; however, it can also mean someone using aggression to avoid truth-facing.
Overall to me, these cards tell me that I’ve been locked into doing “what’s right” for a long time. That I rarely ask for that which I really want, and that I don’t tell folks closest to me what I really feel. That at present, I am feeling constrained by situations beyond my control and that I may feel angry over that. The five of wands warns me to not avoid facing the truth, but to use creative energy as an outlet to change systems, not to avoid what’s really going on with me.
Closer to home? I’m starting to try to figure out what I want in a relationship, and I’m frustrated with how slowly I’m moving–and how little I can make others change their feelings, as well. That I need to be aware of this, and not hide through aggression my feelings of powerlessness. Instead, I need to open myself up to what I really want, learn to express that, and let go of the control I seek. Because ultimately, you cannot control people’s emotions, and you can’t really hide from yourself, either.
