One Year Later…and still working
Ok, so it’s been awhile. I find it difficult to do this regularly, so I guess folks will just have to adjust to not knowing what’s up.
Brief catchup: Started dating a guy in March of 2010. Different guy than the one in the posts here. Still dating. Not sure why. In brief, he’s charming, somewhat handsome, funny, and well-connected. More important, fun to be with. But also someone with the lowest libido of anyone I’ve ever met. That should do it for catchup.
Here’s the thing. I really like him–have to watch myself, because honestly, I could see myself feeling more than that, even. (plz to note that I can’t even type the word “love,” which, in and of itself should tell us all I have work to do, yes?)
However–and this is a big one–I don’t think he’s all that into me. He travels a lot for his job, and I get that–and he has to check e-mail a lot for said job, and I get that. It’s not those things. It’s not the workaholic stuff, or any of that. It’s more that I get a “friend” vibe from him these days rather than a “dating” vibe. He’s not interested in making out, or making love, or even holding hands unless I initiate it, all that often. When was Thanksgiving, again? And while I struggle to believe it’s not me, deep down I believe it’s me. That, yet AGAIN, I’ve been found wanting. It’s nearly more than my ego can take after the ridiculousness of my marriage.
Kisses on the cheek and halfhearted hugs are not what I’m interested in. I want someone who wants me. WANTS. Not someone who finds me convenient. But I don’t know if I’m being fair, because we haven’t, honestly, discussed it. But I know we need to. And I don’t really know how to bring it up. But it must happen.
The only way out is through, right? Here I go again.
